Monday, October 11, 2010

Things I wish I would have learned earlier

This is a combination of things I wish I would have learned earlier in life... things my parents probably told me and I forgot... my list of things...:

1.  When someone randomly asks you if you are afraid of heights, do not answer them yes or no and then start a conversation about roller coasters and your past experiences on them. Your fly is down.

2.  When a person of the opposite sex sparks up a conversation with you or smiles in your direction- they are NOT necessarily HITTING on you. It could just be that they were being kind.

3.  When said person of the opposite sex asks for your "digits", they mean you're phone number.

4. If they ask for your digits- politely decline with a response including how your parents forbid you to date. This person is an idiot for referring to them as your "digits".

5. Now if they request your "phone number", they ARE hitting on you. You can accept if the offer is appealing.

6. Said individual who asked for your number, did NOT propose and is not day dreaming about your wedding day. They really did just ask for your number.

7. When a napkin or piece of paper flutters away in the wind, do not attempt to catch it by running like an idiot bending down to try and grab it, as it escapes your reach every time you get close. Simply stomp on it with your foot, then gracefully pick it up with your hands.

8. Never NEVER NEVER ask if someone is pregnant. I don't care if they look like the are 10 months pregnant! Until they say something verbally (rubbing their stomach does NOT count), do NOT bring it up. They could just like bon bons.

9. Kids say the darndest things.

10. If said kid in #9 asks the forbidden question in #8, and you are a witness, do NOT laugh. In fact- pretend you didn't even hear them. Until you get by yourself in your car or home. Then you can crack yourself up.

This lunch break was ever so enlightening... perhaps this list will continue at a later time...

for now,

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