Sunday, January 29, 2012

Frustrated

I'm pissed. I'm exhausted. I'm done. I'm tired of dealing with sick kids, with a frustrated husband, with pop in the bathtub, with throw up everywhere, with fevers, ear aches and hives. I'm done with making decisions and being responsible. F*** that. I'm done.

I'm so sick of being frustrated. I'm sick of life these last three months. Here's the run down:

Since November 1st.

YumYum: 2 ear infections, fever, hives, another ear ache, fever, RSV (supposedly), cough, sinus infection like symptoms, runny nose, stuffy nose, throwing up, diarrhea

007:
Goes back to work after maternity leave on Oct. 31, 1 ear infection, two sinus infections (5 round of antibiotics), one hearing test, one trip to the ER for 2 bags of fluids, throwing up, diarrhea, fever, no voice, laryngitis, days of work missed = too many to count., 1 1/2 days missed work for Brittany in labor (my choice), losing/leaving job- who knows which one anymore., 1 increase in depression meds, 1 counseling appt. scheduled, 1 phone interview (after 2 reschedules- 1st call the employer had an "emergency state" call come up, 2nd time I was in the ER- I was able to email her, 3rd and final happened in my car..) It's a job that pays less and is way downtown. That was Friday, the interview. Now we're waiting, but I really don't want to take it. So what?

Smiles: stuffy nose, cough, fever, teething, rolling over :), trying to crawl....

Scooby Doo: infected v., cough, a bit of an upset stomach, taking care of everyone else, 4 "sick" days in November, 4 "sick" days in December, 5 "sick" days in January.

Bob (the dog): 1 ear infection + antibiotics + cleaner = $250, 1 broken tooth led to 1 sedation for removal which showed 2 other broken teeth = $600.

Grandma:
diagnosed with mouth cancer.

Mortgage: Flat bill of $536 for an escrow account surplus that needs to be created. Plus our mortgage is going up $255/month starting March 1.

Just Life: 1 Thanksgiving, 1 Christmas, 1 Baby shower (which I loved throwing), 1 Nephew born = 55 hour labor, 1 Birth certificate FINALLY granted for Smiles (we had to take a trip up to Auburn to fill out the paperwork)... only to get the official birth certificate in the mail showing the wrong birth date. Another $18 and a bunch of forms later, the new one should hopefully arrive soon. 1 Family portrait session (a wonderful gift from a friend, it was going to expire...), 2 successful trips to church. Oh yeah. And the niners crushed what little joy I had left. There's always next year....

Amount spent at Kaiser from 11/1/2011 - 1/29/2012: $498.31 documented on debit card. Roughly an additional $300 spent in cash.

Things purchased: Sudafed, NiteQuil, DayQuil, Robitissum, Antibiotics (ear infections, sinus infections), Benydryl, 3 different humidifiers (each one leaks everywhere), Kleenex, Afrix nasal spray, Oatmeal bath (for YumYum's hives), Aveno soap ($12 for a super small bottle), 3 drugs for the dog, Vicks rub, Vicks humidifier adder, tea.

We're a frekin pharmacy.

The only thing we haven't had is a broken appliance.

I'm frustrated. We're exhausted. We're absolutely exhausted. Scooby Doo & I don't have the energy to expend additional patience on each other, which is so important in making it through tougher family times, but we just keep waiting for it to stop. And it doesn't.

I've talked to a lot of people lately, and based on facebook- every one has been hit with "The Awful"- the 24-48hr straight throwing up/diarrhea.

We have our kids. A little boy in our neighborhood fell of the playground and immediately went into cardiac arrest. He had heart surgery performed before his first birthday, but was supposedly in fine health now. He ended up passing away. He was 2.

I know I'm supposed to be grateful. I know I love my kids, and I know this is just a phase. I know I will look back at this time in our life and remember how tired we were, but how awesome it was. How much we learned, grew, were stretched.

I LOVE MY HUSBAND. I LOVE MY KIDS. I Love my life and I wouldn't change the family I have for anything in the world. There were 2 days earlier this week that everyone was healthy and happy. I felt and acted elated. Then we found out Grandma had cancer. She's been through enough. My Mom has been through enough. Our family just needs a break. What are we learning?

God is good, all the time- God is good. I truly believe this. But I'm just ready to have a healthy and happy family and stable jobs where we can pay the bills.

Thanks for letting me vent, not that you had a choice. :)

3 comments:

  1. When it's too much to stand. . . kneel and pray.

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  2. first off, you have an amazing memory. (probably because this time has been a long nightmere). Secondly...you are amazing.Hang in there. you guys have been through too much. lastly, ...

    this too shall pass.

    ReplyDelete