Thursday, February 23, 2012

I love my Grandma TTHHHIISSSSSS MUCH!!

I wrote the below letter to my Grandma, who is simply awesome. We recently found out that she has cancer again, and unfortunately, this time there is a lot of it. To heal her would take a lot of invasive procedures, and chemo and radiation are too much for her to go through again. She is an absolutely amazing woman. Her and Grandpa have been married for something crazy like 63 years or something. They live around the corner from us, and I am SO GRATEFUL. I love that I have such a great relationship with my Mom's parents. They're the best. I wrote this email to my Grandma this morning, and wanted to write it on my blog so that other people could know how much she means to me, and how amazing of a woman she really is. Because of Meemee, we are pretty darn blessed.
February 23, 2012
Hi Grandma,
I was just thinking about you and praying for you. You were in my thoughts all day yesterday.
Mom called and told me about the biopsy results. I'm sad, and I don't know what to say - but I want you to know I'm here for you and I love you. If you want to play cards, if you want to talk/vent, if you need someone to listen, or if you just want to hang out with your granddaughter or great-grand babies, say the word- and I'm there. Obviously there is a lot going on right now, and I would assume you and Grandpa need some quiet time to process and collect your thoughts. When you feel it would be appropriate and you are ready, I would love to bring the kids over to play. Smiles turns six months old on March 2nd, and YumYum will be two on May 15th. Where did the time go? I used to hate when other people would say that, but now I understand. I blink my eyes- and the things that felt like yesterday are long gone.
God is good. I have so much to be thankful for. I am so grateful that you & Grandpa moved closer to us when you did. You've been able to be a part of my high school and college years. You've seen me walk down the aisle, and played solitaire with me as we waited for the ceremony to start. You were the first person that I told when I thought I was preganant... YumYum arrived 9 months later. You knew before even I knew for sure, and ScoobyDoo, or my parents.... I didn't know for sure yet- but I was so excited to tell you. I remember your reaction. "Oh boy"- and your sly grin.  You were there in the hospital when my daughter was born, and you've held and soothed my son since his arrival. I can't believe we are done having babies, and I am SO GLAD that our children have had the opportunity to be loved and love, their great grandparents. What a blessing. So much of the wisdom you have given me in your words, encouragement, and even just by your presence- I will continue to use as my "fuel" moving forward. And I hope that I can help fuel your heart and encourage you in the time ahead. I don't know what the future holds, but I'm so glad that I'm able to experience it with you, and be a part of your life. It is an honor, and so much fun.
Know that I'm here for you, and if you need anything, please don't hesitate to call or email.
I love you,
My Grandparents with Baby Smiles (Christmas 2011)

Grandma and I

Friday, February 10, 2012

What? My husband is Matthew Lillard?

So here’s the 411 on the 007.

Ha. That sounded a lot more clever in my head than it reads.


Well in hopes that he can remain anonymous, I won’t describe how I know the friend whose advice it was for me to take down a particular blog post that I wrote last month about work. I had mixed feelings when he cautioned me that a blog with so many specifics could come back to bite me. Scooby Doo has heard stories of several co-workers that have been fired for blogging confidential information, but forgetting to remain anonymous. I took the post down, and I explained to my husband, and to myself, why I loved blogging.

Unlike journaling, when I blog I’m writing to a live audience. My personality is a people-pleaser, so often I jump on the whim of a hope, and leap at the sign of a hurdle, without giving it second thought. In blogging, I am able to receive confirmation for or against my actions, and it helps keep me in check.

I like to make other people happy. When I blog, I think about what I want. It’s an outlet for creativity, dreaming, optimisim, and realisim- all wrapped up in one.

Much like a Christian community, like the church, my blogging community is comprised of many “family” members. I trust that they will encourage me in my struggles, and speak frankly with me when I ask for their thoughts. I am consistently pleasantly surprised when I so eagerly read the comments from others on my blog site.

Because I don’t often have the time, or emotional energy, to express to each of my friends what is going on in my life, a blog provides me the avenue for keeping people informed, and provides them with specific ways to pray for our family.

So I’ve decided to make my blog anonymous. In my head, being anonymous means not showing your face, and speaking behind a black curtain with one of those voice distorters that makes you say almost instinctively, “Luke, I am your Father”. So I’m not quite sure how to be anonymous when I’m blogging. Here’s how I’m starting:

-         I’m not making specific references to where I live, where I go to work or play, or who I work with.
-         I will not name any one person by their real name, unless they were an acquaintance to me as they would be to you.

I think this is a good start. Do you have any suggestions? The thought of leaving this blogging site, even though it’s in its infant stages, and just starting a new one- I couldn’t bear. Unfortunately, there is no “find and replace in every post and comment” button that I can do. So I’ve having to re-read every post and comment, editing for specifics. Has anyone thought of a better way to do this?

Here’s how I came up with the nicknames:

My husband is Scooby Doo. Throughout our time together, people have continually said that he looks like the actor who plays Shaggy in Scooby Doo. I don’t see it – AT ALL. I think my husband is INSANLY attractive and I wouldn’t look twice at the Shaggy actor. Or so I thought. When we were dating, his roommates showed me a picture where my soon-to-be husband was kneeling next to the television, and the TV was paused with that guy on the screen, Matthew Lillard. I saw no resemblance.

To refresh my memory, I googled photos of Matthew Lillard. And… well, they were right. He does look a lot like my husband.

But my husband is still way sexier. But in order to refrain from calling my husband, “my husband” every time I mention him, I decided to just call him his Doppelgänger’s name, or at least- who I thought he played on TV. So I decided to call my husband “Scooby Doo”. Well, it looks like I pulled a “007” (my name). Matthew Lillard didn’t play Scooby Doo; he played Shaggy. Scooby Doo was the dog. Oops. Sorry babe. I love you Scooby, Scooby Doooooo.

My daughter eats like no one’s business. She LOVES food. And I love her, so she is Yum Yum.

This morning when I went to see if my son was awake, I found him lying on his back, grabbing his toes. He gave me the biggest smile as he released his toes, and rolled on to his stomach. He is such a happy kid. I can’t wait to see how he grows. He will be Smiles.

My husband’s brother lives with us, and it’s awesome. He’s a great guy, and Yum Yum absolutely ADORES him. You’ll have to read Smiles’ birth story to read why I’m calling him McGyver.

I have two sisters.

The first is 15 months younger than me, and I’m going to call her Paula Deen because this woman (my sister, not Paula) (well, maybe Paula) can do ANYTHING. She can cook the best meals, she can craft something out of nothing, and she does it all with a smile and a cheer. And she looks WAY better than Paula Deen! My sister is absolutely stunning. She’s ridiculously entergetic, optimistic, and creative. And when I think of Paul Deen, those are the characteristics that I think of. Call me crazy.

My other sister is 10 years younger than me, and I’ve called her Shiner. It’s OKAY, but I’m not in love with the name quite yet. Originally, I was trying to think of a nick name that could encapsulate her ability to witness the Gospel to everyone. She’s a walking evangelist, and does it by being herself. She has a servant’s heart, who loves the Lord, and is absolutely Goo-Goo-Gaa-Gaa for Jesus. She’s also a great dancer, and gets more bruises than anyone I’ve ever known. So I though Shiner would fit her well. Do you have any other suggestions?

Let’s see… who else…..

Meemee and Poppee are my parents, Grandmie and Grandpie are Scooby Doo’s Parents. (is that how it’s spelt?)

Scooby Doo’s old roommate, and one of our close friends, is called Aces. I decided to call him that because Aces enjoys playing cards, and that’s the first thing that came into in my head. But the more I thought about it, the more fitting it become. Aces is truly a stand up guy. He is a gentleman (yes, you.), and he really is quite a great Dad and husband. I’m glad my husband has friends like him. Even though I’m sure they’ve gotten into plenty of trouble together, they’ve also always been there for one another. It’s friends like Aces who stick around no matter what.

Oh, and me! I’m 007. My sister (Paula Deen) and I always would write secret notes back and forth. Somewhere along the lines she named me 007 after James Bond’s character, or I came up with it. Paula, do you remember? Maybe you can email me and I can add it to this post….

OH! I almost forgot about Bob. He's Bob cause he just looks like a Bob.

Before his first haircut....


Well that’s all for now. I’m sure more nicknames will need to be invented down my blogging journey.

Until then,
Just a drink, a martini, shaken, not stirred,


Anonymous.. Hello. My name is...

Hi all,

You may have noticed some recent changes in my blogs when I'm talking about certain people, places, etc. In an effort to be able to speak more freely and safely, I'm making my blog anonymous. YES- obviously, if you know me, you know me. And if you THINK you may know me, my picture will be there on the blog.

But for those of you cyber readers, who don't know where I work or where we live, we love you- but I want to keep our friendship cyber-based. Please don't have hurt feelings.

So ya'll should notice some nicknames. I'm trying to go back and replace any references in past blogs, and since I can't edit comments once posted, I've had to delete some very sweet comments.

Please, in your comments (which I LOVE to read!), refrain from using any of our real names.

Thank you!


21 Months old

To my baby girl,

Darling, you will be 21 months old next Wednesday, 3 months away from turning 2. Someone must have told you because you think it’s hilariously entertaining to pretend you’re two years old already.

These days …

  • Favorite word: SOCKS, SHOES … It’s a tie!!! You are pulling your socks and shoes off constantly, and then wanting to put them back on. Putting you in tights for church is disastrous! You get the “toes” pulled off so they dangle about six inches from your toes and then you just whiiinnnneeeeee. It’s pretty cute. J
  • You love reading books. Several times Scooby Doo and I have gone to wake you up in the morning (sounds like such a sin, waking up a sleeping child), and you're happily sitting in your crib with a pacifier and blanket, just reading a book, turning the pages on your own... my heart leaps for joy at such a sight!
  • You love cooking and baking, especially desserts. Mostly Shiner makes desserts with you, but the other day I made cookies with you. It was hilarious! They were chocolate chip cookies that we were rolling into balls. Well, I rolled them, you squashed them. Once you got over how funny that was, I started just handing the dough balls to you and you would put them on the baking tray. Each time I handed one to you, you would look at me, smile, and go “ahrm” and try to eat it! Obviously you’ve done your baking with Shiner ….. I love baking with you.
  • We now do your hair (most mornings). You don’t particularly enjoy it, but you tolerate it if you can hold the rubber bands while we get your pony ready. We do lots of pigtails. Your hair is still really quite thin, and your bangs aren’t long enough… needless to say, ponytails alone don’t last very long. There’s been quite a few mornings when you’ve ripped out your pigtails on the way to day care, and when I get out of the car to get you out of your car seat, you’re just sitting there- eyebrows raised- “Yes, Mommy? Whatever could you want?” You’re a character.

  • YumYum, Can you smile?

    YUM YUM! (proceed to reach to tickle her)
    You LOVE to dance. Your dance moves resemble someone on crack. Or, maybe, you just look like a one year old dancing. It’s pretty spastic, and normally involves endless circles until you fall down, say “boink”, and do it all over again.
  • Your favorite toys to play with are your wooden ABC blocks, cars, kitchen foods (GRAPES)
  • You still love your baths. Yesterday you were being very particular, lining up each toy on the edge of the bathtub. Each rubber animal had to sit in or on top of one of your toy buckets. All the buckets had to be lined up PERFECTLY, and in a certain order. You rearranged them several times, trying to move them by just picking up the bucket. Then the rubber animal would fall out, you would say “OH NO!”, and then pick it up, and put it back on top. When I asked you where certain animals were, you pointed to them. You were delighted at my acknowledgement and applause. You were so proud of yourself. You pointed out the black penguin (can’t say this one yet- but it’s probably your favorite… you get SO CONCERNED when the 1” little dude is deflated…), the blue octopus (“octo”), the blue hippo (“HIPPO!”), the red crab (“ab”), each of your buckets (buck-et)… your “pointing” is so eloquent and specific. You point right to exactly what I’m talking about.
  • You can read the same books over and over and over and over and over. You have recently discovered pop-ups, and now I know why pop-ups are always torn.
  • You are like your Daddy! He always tries to get things in the same trip, regardless of how full his arms are! It will take us 10 minutes to get down the hall to go to bed because you need to carry your 4 books, 5 pacifiers, blanket, bear, doll, and water. You need to do it though- all by yourself! You’ll still only let us take a single book or maybe two.

I love you,

Monday, February 6, 2012

More Abundant

I'm nervous about switching jobs. Leaving this place.... I remember when I corresponded change with adventure. Now, all I want is comfortable, familiar, routine.

My last day at work is supposed to be February 15, next Wednesday. I've become accustomed to answering the question, "where are you going?" with eloquence and tact, giving the unknown future to the hands of God in an outward gesture of faith. Today I'm not feeling very faithful. I want to hop, not leap. And if I leap, I want to know how, where, when, why.... A guest pastor spoke on faith during yesterday's sermon. He said if you're asking questions like the 5 W's (who, what, where, when, why)... Then you're asking questions about the landing. And if we had the answers to the aforementioned questions, it wouldn't be faith. Today, I hate faith. Don't get me wrong, I love Christ and am in no way straying from "The Faith". Today, I just feel a bit like how I imagine Moses felt when wandering the dessert, or Noah when he was asked to build an arc without a cloud in the sky, or Abraham when God asked him to sacrifice his only son, after 75 years of infertility, or Mary- a virgin who had to tell her boyfriend she was pregnant, knocked up- by the Holy Spirit. Good luck with that one girl. I'm hoping I will be smart enough not to pull a Jonah, "na na na na na, you can't see me", or a Peter "nope, doesn't sound familiar", or worse yet, a pharisee "I know the laws by heart and I'm in total control and I can never make a wrong decision".

I'm nervous about asking/telling my new employer (especially if it ends up being a small office) that I'm still breastfeeding, and I need a private place to pump 3xs a day, or at least permission to go to my car. I'm nervous about whether or not I will actually be able to get to work on time and stay till 5, or 6- when I have 2 babies that are constantly on my mind. I'm worried about leaving all my friends here, and becoming even more isolated. I wonder if I should do one last plea and closing argument to my boss. I'm wondering if I should take the first job I'm offered? Even if something better could come up in 2 weeks. How would I even keep interviewing? Tell my new boss, hey I need an hour off to go to an interview? I'm worried I'll be even more bored at my new job than I am right now.

I'm optimistic because God is in control. I m not scared because I do not have a God of chaos. I will not fear because fear is the opposite of faith. And even though I don't feel  like having faith, I know that having fear will do me no good. I will choose, because being positive is a choice, to believe that God brought me through this for a reason. My God is not in the business of having accidents. I believe God has something better for me in the future, much better than the pleasant memories I will be leaving behind.

Today is the day, the Lord has made... Let us rejoice and be glad in it.

1 John 1:4 "And these things we write unto you, so that your joy may be full."

John 10:10 "I have come so that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly."

Isaiah 60:5  "Then you will look and be radiant, your heart will throb and swell with joy; the wealth on the seas will be brought to you, to you the riches of the nations will come”

Proverbs 1:33 "But whoever listens to me will dwell safely, and will be secure, without fear of evil."

Proverbs 16:9 "A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps.”
Isaiah 48:17 "Thus says the Lord, Your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel: “I am the Lord your God, who teaches you to profit, who leads you by the way you should go.” 

Psalm 32:8 “I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will guide you with My eye.” 

Psalm 48:14 "For this is God, our God forever and ever; He will be our guide even to death.”

Isaiah 58:11 “The Lord will guide you continually …"

Lord, make these verses the promises of my heart, and lead me in your way everlasting.