Monday, February 6, 2012

More Abundant

I'm nervous about switching jobs. Leaving this place.... I remember when I corresponded change with adventure. Now, all I want is comfortable, familiar, routine.

My last day at work is supposed to be February 15, next Wednesday. I've become accustomed to answering the question, "where are you going?" with eloquence and tact, giving the unknown future to the hands of God in an outward gesture of faith. Today I'm not feeling very faithful. I want to hop, not leap. And if I leap, I want to know how, where, when, why.... A guest pastor spoke on faith during yesterday's sermon. He said if you're asking questions like the 5 W's (who, what, where, when, why)... Then you're asking questions about the landing. And if we had the answers to the aforementioned questions, it wouldn't be faith. Today, I hate faith. Don't get me wrong, I love Christ and am in no way straying from "The Faith". Today, I just feel a bit like how I imagine Moses felt when wandering the dessert, or Noah when he was asked to build an arc without a cloud in the sky, or Abraham when God asked him to sacrifice his only son, after 75 years of infertility, or Mary- a virgin who had to tell her boyfriend she was pregnant, knocked up- by the Holy Spirit. Good luck with that one girl. I'm hoping I will be smart enough not to pull a Jonah, "na na na na na, you can't see me", or a Peter "nope, doesn't sound familiar", or worse yet, a pharisee "I know the laws by heart and I'm in total control and I can never make a wrong decision".

I'm nervous about asking/telling my new employer (especially if it ends up being a small office) that I'm still breastfeeding, and I need a private place to pump 3xs a day, or at least permission to go to my car. I'm nervous about whether or not I will actually be able to get to work on time and stay till 5, or 6- when I have 2 babies that are constantly on my mind. I'm worried about leaving all my friends here, and becoming even more isolated. I wonder if I should do one last plea and closing argument to my boss. I'm wondering if I should take the first job I'm offered? Even if something better could come up in 2 weeks. How would I even keep interviewing? Tell my new boss, hey I need an hour off to go to an interview? I'm worried I'll be even more bored at my new job than I am right now.

I'm optimistic because God is in control. I m not scared because I do not have a God of chaos. I will not fear because fear is the opposite of faith. And even though I don't feel  like having faith, I know that having fear will do me no good. I will choose, because being positive is a choice, to believe that God brought me through this for a reason. My God is not in the business of having accidents. I believe God has something better for me in the future, much better than the pleasant memories I will be leaving behind.

Today is the day, the Lord has made... Let us rejoice and be glad in it.

1 John 1:4 "And these things we write unto you, so that your joy may be full."

John 10:10 "I have come so that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly."

Isaiah 60:5  "Then you will look and be radiant, your heart will throb and swell with joy; the wealth on the seas will be brought to you, to you the riches of the nations will come”

Proverbs 1:33 "But whoever listens to me will dwell safely, and will be secure, without fear of evil."

Proverbs 16:9 "A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps.”
 
Isaiah 48:17 "Thus says the Lord, Your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel: “I am the Lord your God, who teaches you to profit, who leads you by the way you should go.” 

Psalm 32:8 “I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will guide you with My eye.” 

Psalm 48:14 "For this is God, our God forever and ever; He will be our guide even to death.”

Isaiah 58:11 “The Lord will guide you continually …"

Lord, make these verses the promises of my heart, and lead me in your way everlasting.
Amen.

4 comments:

  1. God has something so wonderful for you. He will amaze you, because he has the perfect job crafted for all your requests :) Just like he put together the perfect man for you to marry, he has the perfect job :)

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  2. You are special. You are smart. You are worthy. You are important. YOU have a wonderful life... and I'm so glad to see you living it, not just sitting watching it pass by you. Take risks...dance, sing, be excited. Allow yourself to be excited about this change. Change isn't bad all the time. In fact, a lot of times it's wonderful. Like now. Change is what you and your family needs. YOU are right where you need to be, and you have a right to feel apprehensive about not having the gift of prophecy, or knowing what's around the corner, but you can be guaranteed that usually God's idea of "good" is better than our idea of "great"...get excited, and continue praying with anticipation of God fulfilling his promises to you. :)

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